13 Therapist-Endorsed Strategies for Alleviating Loneliness
Experiencing loneliness can strike a heavy blow to one’s self-esteem, often accompanied by a whirlwind of emotions like hopelessness and sadness (speaking from personal experience). Perhaps you’ve unintentionally drifted apart from friends upon reaching the shores of Adulthood. Maybe you’ve relocated away from family or recently gone through a breakup. Therapist Daria Stepanian, LMFT, highlights that being surrounded by individuals without true emotional or physical intimacy, or lacking shared interests and values, can also foster feelings of loneliness. Can you relate? Absolutely.
Regardless of your circumstances, feeling isolated is far from enjoyable. Yet, with some effort and guidance from mental health professionals, loneliness can gradually become more bearable. You’re capable of this!
1. Embrace the Freedom of Your Solo Time
During moments of loneliness, it’s easy to fixate on what you lack—like a close-knit group of friends to hang out with or a profound connection with another individual. While these emotions are valid, it’s equally important to recognize that you deserve joy and happiness, and are entirely free to pursue them. Therapist Jin Kim, LMFT, suggests that engaging in activities that bring you joy can shift your focus away from loneliness, offering a sense of relief. Therefore, consider engaging in activities that genuinely bring you pleasure during your free time, whether it involves immersing yourself in a captivating TV show or book, listening to your favorite album in its entirety, or simply lounging in the park for hours—whatever sparks laughter or smiles within you.
2. Indulge in Activities Alone, without the Need for a Companion
Individuals often get caught up in the belief that they must socialize in pairs or groups. However, if you engage in enjoyable activities independently, you might stumble upon a potential friend along the way, notes therapist Erica Turner, LMFT. “By deciding to visit a museum” or attend a cookout, you are likely to encounter like-minded individuals who enjoy similar interests.
Should you not find kindred spirits, at the very least, you’ll emerge with cherished moments of self-reflection. This approach not only diverts the focus from loneliness to solitude but also allows you to embrace a sense of independence and contentment while enjoying your own company, as expressed by licensed clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, PhD. By shifting your mindset towards self-care, moments spent alone can be perceived as a gift rather than a burden.
3. Engage in Communities Aligned with Your Interests
Participating in a club or group of individuals who share similar interests—perhaps not officially deemed a club but embodying the spirit of one—is touted as an excellent method to forge authentic connections, according to licensed clinical psychologist Sophia Choukas-Bradley, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Pittsburgh. For instance, Dr. Choukas-Bradley recounts her experience joining a feminist book club upon relocating to a new city, underscoring the enriching possibilities. Is there a running group you could join? How about a gathering dedicated to showcasing vintage cars on a monthly basis? Rest assured, such opportunities likely exist!
4. Embrace Public Outings
Merely stepping out in public can alleviate feelings of isolation, even if you do not engage with others during your outings, shares grief and trauma therapist Katherine Hatch, LCSW. Whether it’s working at a coffee shop, window shopping, or engaging in activities that bring solace, the key lies in immersing oneself in the human experience, she emphasizes. Given our innate social nature, feeling a sense of belonging to a larger group is essential, as highlighted by Kim. If you find it comfortable, making eye contact with individuals at a store, restaurant, or elsewhere may establish a subtle connection. While reciprocation isn’t guaranteed, the gesture is worth a try.
5. Appreciate Your Uniqueness
If feelings of loneliness coincide with low self-esteem, it’s understandable; “When we experience loneliness, self-criticism often intensifies,” remarks psychiatrist and psychotherapist Melissa Shepard, MD. The narrative of blaming oneself for feeling lonely can be particularly poignant.
Though it might seem awkward, compiling a mental or physical list of your admirable qualities and why you hold significance can offer a boost in self-assurance, recommends Stepanian. Additionally, practicing self-affirmations could provide a small yet impactful elevation in self-confidence, steering you away from a self-deprecating spiral. Furthermore, acknowledging that others undergo similar struggles can offer solace, as noted by Dr. Shepard.
6. Prioritize Self-Care
Taking proactive steps to tend to your well-being is a significant way to combat feelings of loneliness, suggests therapist Lawrence Jackson, PhD, LMFT. Reflect on what activities would bring you comfort or joy. It could be completing a lingering task on your to-do list, treating yourself to a delightful takeout meal, or finally organizing your laundry. While seemingly straightforward, identifying and fulfilling your genuine needs might pose a challenge.
7. Explore Your Feelings of Loneliness
Documenting your emotions and thoughts when experiencing loneliness can provide a sense of tranquility and aid in releasing pent-up concerns, as shared by Stepanian in a prior conversation with Wondermind. Whether penning your reflections on paper, in your Notes app, or a digital document, the goal is to capture your emotions in a manner that resonates with you. For those seeking inspiration, consider exploring various journal prompts.
8. Visualize Your Loneliness
Contemplate the essence and perception of loneliness; by externalizing this emotion, you strip away its power. This practice can render feelings of isolation more manageable and less overwhelming, notes Hatch. Engage in doodling sessions that depict your understanding of loneliness, aiding in a deeper comprehension of these emotions. Unsure where to commence? Reflect on the color, shape, location within your body, and potential embodiment or sensation of loneliness, as suggested by Hatch.
9. Reflect on Your Connections
During bouts of loneliness, it’s common to convince oneself of social disconnection or lack of care from others, acknowledges therapist Alo Johnston, LMFT (who admits to sharing these sentiments). Although you may feel isolated, browsing through your phone contacts, text messages, or direct messages can serve as a gentle reminder that individuals in your life are available for conversation, affirms Johnston. While reaching out isn’t necessary, this act serves as a step towards recognizing that you are not alone.
10. Savor Real-life Connections Over Social Media
While some individuals find solace in social media for expanding their social circles, this platform can also exacerbate feelings of loneliness in certain scenarios. The curated highlight reels showcasing individuals engaged in enjoyable activities may intensify feelings of missing out. If seeking immediate connection, opt for extended conversations in person, over the phone, or via virtual platforms like Zoom, advises Dr. Choukas-Bradley. Such interactions offer a more substantial approach to alleviating loneliness compared to brief, often superficial exchanges on social media.
11. Define Your Socialization Preferences
When considering reaching out, take a moment to evaluate the level of connection you desire. Are you inclined towards a meaningful conversation? Excellent—go for it. Alternatively, a brief check-in text exchange or a friendly competition centered on sharing amusing memes prior to bedtime might suit your current mood, suggests Johnston. Recognize that there isn’t a universal formula for establishing connections; during periods of heightened loneliness, consider the most accessible avenue to foster a sense of connection, elaborates psychotherapist Sahar Martinez, PsyD, LMFT.
Should you contemplate messaging, calling, or video-calling an individual you’ve lost touch with recently, dismiss any apprehensions of being a bother, highlights Johnston. There are likely individuals in your circle whom you’ve also intended to reconnect with; envision how you would feel if they reached out to you. Chances are, you’d be open to reconnecting, and they might feel the same.
12. Challenge Negative Perceptions
Individuals experiencing loneliness often yearn for connection but grapple with the fear of rejection, notes psychotherapist and author Chris Warren-Dickins, LPC. You may be tempted to strike up a conversation with the person you regularly encounter at your local coffee shop or pilates class, yet fear their reaction. Confront the validity of this fear by recollecting instances when enjoyable conversations were initiated with unfamiliar individuals. Similarly, recall occasions when amiable strangers initiated conversations with you. Did you perceive them as strange, or did you appreciate the opportunity to connect? You may find that welcoming individuals exist within your orbit.
13. Engage in Charitable Endeavors
Participating in charitable initiatives or causes you support not only offers a sense of fulfillment in contributing to a greater good but also presents opportunities to meet remarkable individuals and interact with like-minded volunteers, as emphasized by Dr. Howes. Passionate about animal welfare? Explore shelters in your vicinity seeking support. Eager to spend more time outdoors? Seek out park cleanup events in your area. Notably, a study indicated that widowed individuals aged 51 and older who volunteered for two or more hours weekly experienced reduced feelings of loneliness. While volunteering is a niche suggestion, the underlying ethos remains: contributing to the well-being of others fosters connections that validate your presence.